Some days are so hard. I know I don’t deserve how you’ve treated me, but I can’t help feeling so worthless for it some days.
Still today, I choose kindness & I choose forgiveness & I wish you peace & love & beauty in your world.
And in an entirely different way than before, I’m not afraid any more.
All that happened seems like lifetimes ago.
I contemplate writing you – hoping to explain, hoping you will remember the truth.
But then I see the pictures of you and your friends & you look so happy.
And all I want is for you to be happy.
So it doesn’t matter what the truth is, it doesn’t matter what you believe. It doesn’t matter if you forgive me – just be happy & be free.
I love you my friend. I always will.
I’m numb today. Guess that’s okay – being baseline is better than being stuck in the fetal position for days. And maybe I’m on the path to truly healing from this last episode of manic depression. Today, the things that seemed so difficult just days ago, seem so unimportant and silly right now.
Have a busy day today, going to see a friend & need to get a ton of work done this weekend so God, please be with me. Give me strength to stay productive & be good company.
Let this numbness be the first step to being happy again.
Today I’m just trying to focus on sending the best and most loving wishes to people. No matter how I’m feeling.
Although sometimes it maybe makes me feel a little more lonely inside, I really do wish beauty and love to everyone.
Even if I don’t feel it inside, it gives me comfort to know others can & can continue to go out and make the world a little better place.
I hope someday soon to join them too.